July 3rd, 2012
Am I a Hypocrite? A Tale from the Picky Eater Trenches.
Here’s the scenario:
We’re away for the week, at a place where I love to cook, especially when we have visitors, as we did this weekend. I’ve also had a terrible summer cold. I cooked through it all weekend but last night, after our visitors left, I phoned it in. We ordered pizza.
Here’s the thing about pizza:
The hungry baby doesn’t like it. I know, I know. It’s insane. What child person doesn’t like pizza? We’re from Brooklyn, for goodness sake! It’s crazy nuts, but it’s true. And, P.S., the other one doesn’t like mac and cheese. It’s all backwards and shizz at my house.
So, we’ve got this pizza—two of them actually, because I had the audacity to order a smaller plain pie for Mr. picky pants—and he won’t eat it. He’d eaten the tomatoes, carrots and red peppers that I’d put on his plate. He’d even tried salad greens. But he refused the pizza. He wouldn’t take a single bite. And then it happened.
I offered him leftover rice, beans, and zucchini.
Cue gasps.
(Or not?)
The hungry baby happily agreed to leftovers, so I did something I never do: I got up from the table, made another plate of food, warmed it up, and served him a second dinner.
I didn’t think anything of it. Maybe because we’re in the country? Maybe because the second dinner was more nutritious? Usually, second dinners are served to appease picky eaters refusing a nutritious, well-rounded first offer. But the hungry papa done called me out.
“You just offered him a second meal, you know?”
“Huh?”
“You just got up from the table to make him something else, something he’d eat because he’s not agreeing to eat what the rest of us are eating. Don’t we not do that?”
The hungry papa is very charming. He’s also got a, how shall I put this, sharp wit. He was totally screwing with me. It totally worked.
“Uh. I dunno. I mean, the kid doesn’t like pizza. He’s eating zucchini now—is that so bad?”
“He ate the veggies you gave him. Isn’t that enough? Can’t he go to bed hungry if he doesn’t like what we serve him.”
Apparently, I was being served a bowl of my own shit. Enjoy dinner, mama!
But he’s right. I don’t serve second dinner, even to give something more nutritious. I also don’t feel bad that I did it this once. No big deal. But it raises some questions. In particular:
Am I a hypocrite?
Does it matter that the second meal I offered was healthier?
What do you think?
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Crikey, you were on vacation. The kid got a healthy dinner. Which was actually just leftovers, not a whole rigamarole just for him. I’m pretty strict about, “This is dinner. Eat it or don’t eat it, but this is it.” But in this case, I would have done exactly the same thing. I mean, is “Eat your pizza! No beans and zucchini for you!” really the hill you want to die on?
I think you’re human. And it is nice to know that even the food mama I admire most bends the rules sometimes. That you bent it for veggies and beans over pizza does make me want to hate you the teensiest bit, but I can’t. Rock on.
I won’t make second dinners either, but I also personally wouldn’t consider reheating leftovers as starting down the slippery slope to short order cook. If we’re having something I know my daughter doesn’t like, she still gets it and is given time to contemplate it, maybe try it and see what she thinks of it now. If she’s not eating and says she’s hungry, that’s why there’s PB&J, leftovers, applesauce, cereal etc. And for us, she eats more dinners than not, so I don’t mind.
I love it, Tricia. NO, that’s most definitely NOT the hill I want to die on. I know that I didn’t do anything wrong, which is why I didn’t feel bad, but I do think it’s an interesting conversation.
I agree with you all, Kate and Lisa, too—we’re all just human doing our best. And what I didn’t isn’t exactly a slippery slope. BUT is that because of who I am and that I’m so serious about it all the other times. Is the fact that I’d write a “confessional” post about serving rice and beans exactly the reason why it’s okay that i did that?
I guess I feel like the rules can get looser once you establish good eating and serving habits. One of the joys of working hard is that it becomes easier to relax without everything falling apart.
Ahahahaha…. Feeling you on this one.
My now 4 yo daughter either had what we were having as a baby/toddler or she had healthy alternatives. She was always a perfect eater. We marveled at her appetite and willingness to try anything. Patted ourselves on the back at our parenting rule of having to try at least one bite of everything. As she got older, we nixed the separate meals, and she ate well with us all the time. We had no backlash.
Cue my now 15mo daughter. Picky as all get-out. Even something she liked 2 days ago gets the cold shoulder if I try giving it to her again. Since she’s still so little, with minimal teeth, I find myself making some separate meals just to get her to eat something. But I just got the OK from the Pediatrician to let her skip meals (since she’s tracking normally) if she won’t eat so we don’t end up down that path. Because that’s my end goal for everyone… No separate meals. You eat what we eat or you don’t eat. Period.
But your story is priceless. I totally would’ve done the same thing. And my husband totally would’ve called me out on it too.
I agree with Lisa. I think there is a huge difference between cooking a second dinner for a picky eater, and allowing your child to have leftovers or something else easy (2 minutes or less to prep) if they don’t like the first dinner. My parents used to say “this is dinner, if you don’t like it you can make something else” once I was old enough to use the microwave / make Pbj.
You ordered something you knew he didn’t like. You fed him an alternative. Children have a right not to like things. That doesn’t mean they need to go hungry? I’m all for not catering to kids, but if my kid has repeatedly not liked something and I want to make it for dinner, then I’ll give her an alternative from the leftovers.
Love this story and like the others, think you are no more a hypocrite for making a different plate of food for your child. My 4yr old is going through the picky, liked one thing one day, doesn’t like it the next day phase and I’m just going with the flow. It is what it is.